I don't want to get anybody in trouble here – so I'll keep things vague. Let's just say the following story took place at a Tim Horton's Donut Shop somewhere between Brooklyn and Brattleboro, Vermont, where I spent last weekend.
It's 8:00 PM and Mrs. Blognut and I are barreling down a major New England highway to the crackling croon of Will Oldham. Some particularly enticing signage appears flashing orange and purple - not surprising in the Dunkin-heavy North-East - but also a Tim Horton's. Two Donut possibilities in one exit!
Dining at Tim Horton's is a rare occasion for Blognut - reserved for my infrequent stints north of the border, where the chain was founded, or for journeys upstate to see my Buffalonian Grandma. So there is no question which mega-chain we'll be supporting tonight. A few minutes later we step into Tim Horton's.
This is when things get exciting. I greet the cashier-Donut-lady and order TH's new Chocolate Raspberry. It arrives on an actual plate adorned with Tim's logo – a touch of class foreign to most American Donut franchises who prefer shoving your Nuts into flimsy, white paper bags.
"Woah - a Tim Horton's plate," I say to the Donut-lady, "can I buy one?"
"No, unfortunately we don't sell plates, we're a Donut shop. But I tell you what," she says, "If it happens to go with you when you leave, I won't tell anybody."
So we sit down and I inhale the Donut. It's not one of Timmy's strongest selections. The chocolate cake dough is decent enough but the snake of bright red raspberry icing tastes like a melted cough drop – there's a definite medicinal bitterness to it.
Now comes the task of sneaking the plate into Mrs. Blognut's purse, which is a lot harder to do than it sounds. Every move draws an accusatory stare from this old lady in the corner. Seriously, at least five attempts thwarted by my grey-haired nemesis. Finally I just say "Screw it," and shove the plate in Mrs. B's bag. I throw a thankful nod to the cashier and power walk past the old lady and out to the car where it's on to Brattleboro.